To often in our lives we let other people take control of us. Our feelings, our emotions, what we say and what we do. We then find ourselves in relationships we don’t like, jobs we hate and not being true and authentic in our every day lives.
If your nature is like mine, then you are born to care for others, you see the best in people and you are always up to give others a second chance. Being an empathetic person, I often feel when others are hurting. I can sense pain in someone else and want to try and help them any way I can. This is a great trait for anyone to have and we should all be loving, caring and respectful of others. When this however is out of balance and I find myself giving too much, not taking care of my own self, giving and giving and not receiving, I then can become emotionally depleted. If I do not set clear boundaries in a relationship, whether it is friendship, a romantic relationship or even in the workplace then I can allow others by default to control me and in turn control my well being.
It is up to you and I to decide how we will let others treat us. If someone is crossing the line with you emotionally, physically or in any other way that makes you feel uncomfortable, then it is up to you and I to say something. It is always ok to say no. Being a people pleaser, I have learnt that art of saying no. This has allowed me to have a more balanced life. I can say no to that birthday party invitation if I feel that I have already too many social engagements that week. I can say no to having people in my life who do not appreciate or respect me. Friendships and relationships are a two way street, we need to be aware of our worth. If you are constantly giving out in a friendship, whether that be that you are always the only one with the listening ear, or the one who always hosts the social gatherings, the one who is always shouting your friend a ticket to the movies or the one who is always chasing up the other to set a date to catch up, then you could be in a very unbalanced friendship. It is ok to start to take back the control over your own life and say no. To not always have to jump when others say so, to not always have to say yes to every invitation or phone call. It is ok to not answer every text message and to not always be ‘on’. This allows you and I to take the control back over our own lives and to live a healthy and sustainable lifestyle.
Taking the control back could simply mean spending more time focusing on the things you love. For me some of these are dancing, the beach and of course writing. I find when I am giving too much of myself and not leaving room for the things that I enjoy in life, than I become emotionally drained and can almost feel flat and empty. Taking the control back could also mean setting a time to catch up with that friend who is always taking from the friendship to discuss what your needs are in the friendship. Sometimes, people get used to us always being the one to rely on, it is ok to let others know that you too need someone to rely on from time to time. Talk to that friend, re instate the boundaries or set new ones if need be. There will be times in every friendship or relationship were one party will be going through a difficult time and the other has to give more. However this should not be the case throughout the whole friendship or relationship. It is healthy to set a balance and to set boundaries in the friendship or relationship which can involve letting the other know when you will be available to talk, letting your friend know that sometimes you too need a shoulder to cry on or asking your friend to respect you if you can’t always be at every party they plan. Setting these boundaries allows for a healthy friendship and one that can grow from good soil. Rather than one person being bitter and angry from always having to be the giver in the relationship, boundaries will allow the relationship to enhance your life instead of take from it.
By our actions we determine how others will treat us. Do you want more love in your life? Then be more loving to others. Do you want better friendships, then be a friend first. The world of the generous gets larger and larger however the world of the stingy gets smaller and smaller. You attract what you are. Smile, be courteous, forgive (this does not always mean to forget), and be motivated to always improving yourself. This way you will attract the same type of people in your life and you will see your life unfold and improve in miraculous ways. There is always a greater power at work within us, take the control back. Learn to appreciate and value your self. You were born to not just exist but to make a mark in this world. Set clear boundaries, allow yourself to say no sometimes, don’t always be the giver, allow yourself to also receive. In turn, you can reach your dreams, live a long and healthy life and find peace.