When love hurts

Why does love hurt so bad?

There has been countless of songs written and sung expressing this same sentiment; why does love hurt so bad? Many have tried to answer this question however, I think it is one that can not be answered in a single statement. There are such a variety of us living on the planet with various emotional and mental health experiences that alter how we interact within a romantic relationship. Here are a few of my experiences and why I think it has hurt so bad:

1) I just wanted to get married and didn’t take into consideration compatibility

This is a dream of many people to grow up, get married and live happily ever after. However many of us, like myself have said “yes” to the “will you marry me” proposal just to get married, not particularly because we are compatible and keen on that one person. A race to the alter among my friends has often left relationships injured as they haven’t developed naturally over time and haven’t taken into consideration real compatibility.

2) Different expectations

When you have different expectations in a relationship it can cause chaos. Knowing what my current partner likes and doesn’t like or wants and doesn’t want is so important. It is also just as important to tell my partner what my expectations are. When I have not done this in the past, the relationship suffers and hurts so much. Don’t be shy, let your partner know what your expectations are and it will save so much heartache.

3) Bringing baggage from past relationships

If you have had more than 1 romantic relationship than you have relationship baggage. Baggage is not a problem and doesn’t have to hurt if you carry it well. Be aware of what hurt you in the previous relationship and be aware that you will have triggers in your next or current relationship that will remind you of past hurts. Be careful not to react but to respond. When we continually react to triggers and not respond we cause a lot of pain to ourselves and our current or next partner. Baggage can hang around and take up so much room in your new relationship. Be careful to clean up your baggage or get rid of it before you start a new relationship so that you are not hurting your new romantic partner or yourself. Break the cycle and leave your bags at the door.

There are many other reasons why love hurts, these are just a few that I have experienced. Love will always hurt in one way or another because humans are not perfect. Your partner also can never meet all of your needs. Understanding this means that you will take responsibility for your own happiness and when love hurts you will not think that it is the end of the world but a natural feeling in a romantic relationship. Love shouldn’t hurt all the time, there will however be times in a long term romantic relationship where something your partner does will hurt you. Be careful to respond and not react. Look after yourself and take responsibility for your own happiness. Always remember that if you have battle scars from being hurt in a relationship than you have a story to tell. Let others know how you feel and if you don’t know how to move past the hurt and pain of a relationship seek professional help or call Relationships Australia on 1300 364 277 for the cost of a local call and you will be connected to your nearest Relationships Australia in your area.

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