Emotional Affairs

I remember it so well…I was getting ready for my bridal shower when it hit me that my fiance no longer wanted to get married. He had been breaking up with me on and off for the 3 weeks earlier and the night before my bridal shower he had done it yet again. I was under so much emotional stress that I couldn’t bear putting myself through a bridal shower knowing that I wasn’t going to get married. So what happened? I thought that I had found the one, the one guy that I had dreamed of since a young girl. The one guy who would love me forever and never let me go. Unbeknownst to me my fiance was not really wanting to get married. He had done everything he could to stop it from happening and I just kept going through with all the plans hoping that he was just nervous and everything would be fine for the big day.

Once I actually admitted to myself that my fiance was not into the whole marriage and happily ever after deal, I began to acknowledge what he wanted. What he wanted was not what I wanted. He wanted a completely different lifestyle to me. Along with this there was a 2nd woman in our relationship causing a lot of stress for both of us. I am not sure if they were ever in a physical relationship however their emotional bond was so strong, stronger than what he ever wanted with me. He would often leave me in the middle of the night to go and see her or cancel dates with me to spend time with her. To me this was 100% emotional cheating. An emotional affair is one that exists between 2 people that has the same closeness and emotional intimacy of an affair while never actually having sex. This is an affair of the heart.

So what should you do if you find yourself in an emotional affair?

  1. Acknowledge that you are cheating
  2. Admit to yourself that you might be more in love with the person you are emotionally connected with instead of the physical every day partner you are in a relationship with
  3. Do not let it continue without being honest with yourself and both the person you are in an emotional affair with and the person with whom you are in a physical partnership with every day.
  4. Don’t let your ego get in the way of a good thing. If you are too proud to break it off with the person who you are having an emotional affair with or the person with whom you have a physical partnership with then you do not deserve either one. Like the old saying… “you can not have your cake and eat it too”.

What to do if your partner is in an emotional affair:

  1. Acknowledge that you can’t control anyone else in this world and the person who you thought was once loyal to you might not be that loyal after all
  2. Don’t sell yourself short, if he or she is emotionally attached to someone else it will 90% of the time lead them to be physically attached to them
  3. Never assume that everyone does it. This is a lie and if something your partner is doing makes you uncomfortable then you need to speak up. Tell them how you feel.
  4. Take control of your own self, if your partner won’t stop the emotional affair then cut them loose. You deserve someone who will be there emotionally and physically for you. After all this life is too hard to do it alone and having someone who is not with you emotionally will leave you feeling empty and abandoned.

Emotional affairs are never right. Sometimes they are even worse than your partner having a physical affair. Anyone can jump in the sack with someone else and have sex with them. It does however take a lot of time, effort and love to be connected to someone emotionally.

If you would like help with your relationship and want to chat further about this, contact Relationships Australia at http://www.relationships.org.au

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